Funniest One Liners Ever Heard
They asked me to follow my dreams. The creative prowess of a writer, or a jokester, in this case, shines through the most when concentrated in the least possible words. If youd like to enjoy some more medical humor, one liners and funny hospital jokes, be sure to check out our collection of medical puns. Pap Smear: Making fun of Dad Pathalogical: A reasonable way to go Pharmacist: Person who makes a living dealing in agriculture Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis Post Operative: A letter carrier Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery Rectum: Almost killed him Red Blood Count: Dracula Secretion: Hiding something Seizure: Roman Emperor. “May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters. 11 Extremely Funny One Liner Jokes “Do Transformers get car, or life insurance?” Russell Howard “I’m on a whiskey diet. A one-liner joke is a joke delivered in a single line. What did the grape say when it got. There was no coffin at his funeral. Spend $500, Get $200 Fast With This Top Card. It is confirmed that taller people sleep longer. That reminds me of another one I heard: I want to go skydiving before I die. 109 Funny Puns You Cant Help But Smile At — Best Life. I used to go fishing with Skrillex, but he kept dropping the bass. The most one-liner jokes youll ever hear in a full comedy special might just be from Geechy Guy. Bad jokes can be short, corny, punny, and deliver some of the best one-liners ever. You could read it as “seriously” or as “a joke didn’t walk into the. Explanation: “No joke” has a double meaning here. Turns out, Im not gonna be a doctor. ago I skydive and sometimes hear things like this around the drop zone: If your parachute fails, you have the rest of your life to fix it. Pack your stuff, theyre waiting. The best funny one-liners Shutterstock Going to church doesnt make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the zoo A magician was going down a road and turned into a driveway How long is a Chinese name Last week a hypnotist convinced me that. I should have asked for a jury. ” – Milton Jones “I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim. I never forget a face, but in your case Ill make an exception. 50+ Funny One Liners To Tell Friends. 109 Funny Puns You Cant Help But Smile At — Best …. Whats the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?. I asked the IT guy, “How do you make a Motherboard?” He said, “I tell her about my job. com>4653 Funny One Liners. First of all, it is so short that by telling it, you’ll never miss the ‘magical moment’ and will always leave your. Best One Liners You Have Ever Heard. Welcome to All Things Foolish™ Daily Comedy Broadcast series featuring Comedy Vignette #116 which is your number one source for funniest one liners ever hear. Stop looking for the perfect match; use a lighter. But all mine ever says is goodbye. 11 Extremely Funny One Liner Jokes “Do Transformers get car, or life insurance?” Russell Howard “I’m on a whiskey diet. The wife says that yes, he could. Short jokes for kids What did the man say to his fingers? I’m counting on you. Moreover, they can always help you avoid silly moments of silence when youre with your friends. A man goes in to his doctors for an exam and the doctor says, Well, I have good news and bad news. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, my love. 110 of the funniest ever jokes and best one. 105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds “My phone will ring at 2am and my wife’ll look at me and go, “Who’s that calling at this time?” I say, “I don’t know. My friends keep pressuring me to go spelunking, so I finally caved. 105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds “My phone will ring at 2am and my wife’ll look at me and go, “Who’s that calling at this time?” I say, “I don’t know. Funny Examples of Irony in Real Life Our Hardest Riddles Ever Too Much Time I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time-consuming. The 20 best one-liners ever. The doctor says, Youve got a rare form of cancer. In this full special from Dry Bar Comedy, Geechy Guy lays d. is the funniest one liner you know? : r/AskReddit>What is the funniest one liner you know? : r/AskReddit. What kind of concert only costs 45 cents? A 50 Cent concert featuring Nickelback. The cops have nothing to go on. 1) Have you ever noticed… [fill in with something you find interesting or funny. One liner tags: puns. In the joke world hierarchy, one-liners are a gem: theyre easy to remember, take no time to tell, and if crafted just right pack a mightier punch than a joke with a longer set up. I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo. Mitch Hedberg and Steven Wright, too. I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. I try not to tell dad jokes, but when I do, he thinks they’re. I was going to tell you a joke about boxing but I forgot the punch line. Youll be sure to brighten someones day when you unleash a hilarious joke when they. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with. Funny>75 Short Jokes for Adults and Kids That Are Actually Funny. One liners are great. One was assaulted. Here are some funny one liners to make you laugh: 1. 11 Extremely Funny One Liner Jokes “Do Transformers get car, or life insurance?” Russell Howard “I’m on a whiskey diet. Now get ready to make some memories filled with laughter with these 70 hilariously funny jokes! What falls, but never needs a bandage? The rain. One morning, I shot an elephant in my pajamas. 3) Whats a comedians least favorite drink? [Booze] I threw a boomerang a few years ago. What was Moses wife, Zipphora, known. We recently asked our @CaddieNetwork Twitter followers to share with us the funniest lines or jokes theyve ever heard on the golf course. Two peanuts went walking down the street. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. Its incurable and you have three weeks to live. Oh, Im sorry, I didnt realize that youre an expert on my life and how I should live it. I just got my doctors test results and Im really upset about it. A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar. Don Baird / Getty Images Advertisement 2. A man is at the funeral of an old friend. I had a dream about being a muffler. One liners are great. 135 Best Dad Jokes That Are Actually Funny. 101 Good, Clean Jokes Thatll Make You Laugh. Im afraid of speed bumps, but I am slowly getting over it. 100 Dark Humor Jokes That Are Twisted, Morbid and Funny. Youll be sure to brighten someones day when you unleash a hilarious joke when they least expect it. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated. Welcome to All Things Foolish™ Daily Comedy Broadcast series featuring Comedy Vignette #118 which is your number one source for funniest one liner, funniest. Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants! I poured root beer in a square glass. ” (Long pause) Golfer B: “Yeahhow ‘bout YOU take it?” — @JerryLouLooper ————————- 41. I failed math so many times at school, I can’t even count. zwRI- referrerpolicy=origin target=_blank>See full list on parade. What is in a ghost’s nose? Boo-gers. 01 of 24 Did Not See That Coming Via Getty Images/EvanKafka. “Caddie told me it was a 5 iron to clear the water on a par 3, I. Extremely Funny One Liners – Best One Liner Jokes in …. One of the classic best one liners. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. He was known for double meanings embedded in his one-liners, along with his ever-present cigar, prominent eyebrows, and glasses. The other day I bought a thesaurus, but when I got home and opened it, all the pages were blank I have no words to describe how angry I am. Why do you like Fridays that much? Friday is my second best F-word ever. 40 Of Probably The Best One. 101 Short Jokes Anyone Can Remember. Next: 75+ Funny What Do You Call Jokes. Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side. Always remember that youre unique, just like everyone else. 105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds “My phone will ring at 2am and my wife’ll look at me and go, “Who’s that calling at this time?” I say, “I don’t know. What guarantees to ruin your Friday? Learning that it was only a Thursday. One liner tags: puns, sport 85. I went to buy some camo pants but couldnt find any. 145 Best Dad Jokes of All Time. Always borrow money from a pessimist. #1 Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions. He was so good, I don’t even care. Funny One Liner Jokes 1. Did you hear they arrested the devil? Yeah, they got him on possession. 50 One-Liners from Stand-Up Comedy Legends / Purple Clover Classic jokes that still stand up Classic jokes that still stand up Purple Clover Relationships Marriage Sex Dating Memoirs Family. ” — @BHGolfEquipment ————————- 40. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. 1) “Have you ever noticed… [fill in with something you find interesting or funny. Try the seafood diet—you see food, then you eat it. Outrageously Funny Groucho Marx Quotes. 175 Bad Jokes That You Can’t Help but Laugh At. 145+ One-Liner Jokes As Punny As They Are Funny. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one. Bigfoot is sometimes confused with Sasquatch, Yeti never complains. Extremely Funny One Liners – Best One Liner Jokes in 2023. Funny one-liners 1. The Hide and Seek Champion from 1995. 145+ One-Liner Jokes As Punny As They Are Funny. The Stupidest Thing I Ever Heard In My Life Is That A Baby Is Smart. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana – mafia. What is worse than ants in your pants? Uncles - Unknown 3. Make sure to use extra sarcasm. Relationships are a lot like algebra. Welcome to All Things Foolish™ Daily Comedy Broadcast series featuring Comedy Vignette #118 which is your number one source for funniest one liner, funniest. 11 Clean One Liner Jokes. Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits. 105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds My phone will ring at 2am and my wifell look at me and go, Whos that calling at this time? I say, I dont know. RIP, boiling water. – Demetri Martin “Years ago I used to supply Filofaxes for the mafia. As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. Most of these cute one liners are from the iconic comedians and others are from random people. Friday is my 3rd best F-word after food and f…! Next: 69 Wine Jokes to Unwind Your Day. When somebody says that you are. What did one plate whisper to the other plate? Dinner is on me. I never forget a face, but in your case Ill make an exception. Somebody stole all the toilets from the police station. Music legends with some of the best old hound dogs they ever did know Puppy Love: The 25 Greatest Dogs in Pop Culture History Icons of classic films and TV, from Toto and Lassie to Uggie and a British beagle made entirely of clay. Somebody stole all the toilets from the police station. Funny Puns You Cant Help But Smile At — Best Life>109 Funny Puns You Cant Help But Smile At — Best Life. Irreverent and honest, this one pickup line will get you a laugh when you deliver it right. Our funny one-liner jokes are short, sweet and make you laugh. The Stupidest Thing I Ever Heard In My Life Is That A Baby Is Smart. Bad jokes can be short, corny, punny, and deliver some of the best one-liners ever. We found the funniest jokes around to tell all of your friends and family. Unfortunately, they’re often lumped in the same category as bad jokes. ” Tom Ward (2015) “I really wanted kids when I was in my early 20s but I could just. This one is so bad you just have to laugh at it. If women were boogers, Id pick you first. Via Getty Images/Michael Heim / EyeEm. One liner tags: people, puns. So a few years go my friend got viral meningitis, a swelling of the meninges that can easily kill you. ] 2) I threw a boomerang a few years ago. With jokes about everything from mummies to zombies to pumpkins (and even some cheesy dad jokes), finding the perfect spook-tacular one-liner will be the least of your worries. They make us groan, say “Are you serious?”, and, of course, make us chuckle. You can pull these out of your back pocket when you’re in need of something funny on the fly along with the funniest one-liners, some “what do you call?” jokes, and even something to get. We found the funniest jokes around to tell all of your friends and family. Most of these cute one liners are from the iconic comedians and others are from random people. I was involved in very organised crime. 36 Witty & Wacky Icebreaker Jokes To Tell At Your Next Meeting. ” This one comes from Dorothy Parker who was the queen of good comebacks. Funny one-liners take a sophisticated observation about life or language and reframe it as a slyly “dumb” joke whose full comic power hits only after your brain unpacks it. She got her looks from her father. The 20 best one-liners ever. He was known for double meanings embedded in. Absolutely hilarious one liners! The largest collection of the best one line jokes in the world. ] [Jerry Seinfeld uses this technique. Punchy, concise, and clever, they often make use of play on words, double meaning, or double-entendre. The wife smiles, and says Thank you, that means a lot. 175 Bad Jokes That You Can’t Help But Laugh At. 1) “Have you ever noticed [fill in with something you find interesting or funny. How do you follow Will Smith in the snow? You follow the fresh prints. What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common? Theyre both Paris sites. Funny Examples of Irony in Real Life Our Hardest Riddles Ever Too Much Time I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time-consuming. Lets be honest, Im not into summer, fall, or winter cleaning either. Report 227 points POST THIS IS HILARIOUS 22 View more comments #2 Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long. Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, Im not going to go spreading it!. With well over 100 responses submitted, we narrowed the list down to 42 of. What did one plate whisper to the other plate? Dinner is on me. Its never a good idea to keep both feet firmly on the ground. Comebacks Youll Wish You Knew Before. — ciprex 02 of 24 Well, Well, Well, Very Funny Via Getty Images/Arsenio Marrero. [sobbing] I dont have any goddamn thumbs! Now jack me off, you piece of shit!. Dad comes to his son and tells him hes adopted. “A computer once beat me at chess. Some comedians use one-liners as a basis for their comedic method. ( Only a fraction of people will get this clean joke. What are some of the best one liners you have ever heard? Try these on for size: a collection of our favorite gags from some of the worlds greatest comedians. 180 Best Dad Jokes of All Time. 45 Funny Christian Jokes Canva/Parade 1. Music legends with some of the best old hound dogs they ever did know Puppy Love: The 25 Greatest Dogs in Pop Culture History Icons of classic films and TV, from Toto and Lassie to Uggie and a British beagle made entirely of clay. What did one DNA say to the other DNA? Do these genes make me look fat? 3. Report 158 points POST I just snorted my coffee. And, to use as few words as possible and still. I’d tell you a pizza joke, but it’s probably too cheesy. ” 3) “What’s a comedian’s least favorite drink? [Booze]” I threw a boomerang a few years ago. That reminds me of another one I heard: I want to go skydiving before I die. I finally found a book on how to solve half my problems. Funny Groucho Marx Quotes. What guarantees to ruin your Friday? Learning that it. 45 Funny, Clean Christian Jokes You Could Tell in Church. I went back to sleep right away. What did one DNA say to the other DNA? “Do these genes make me look fat?” 3. You can pull these out of your back pocket when you’re in need of something funny on the fly along with the funniest one-liners, some “what do you call?” jokes, and even something to get. 20 View More Replies View more comments #3. “Some cause happiness wherever they go. Golfer A: “Let’s get a group photo here on the first tee. Funny Jokes About Friday. What did Jonahs family say when he told them about what happened before reaching Nineveh? Hmm, sounds fishy. There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. 80 Hilariously Funny Jokes 2023. They often get worked up and dive into silly topics, but this one point of view that Wayne felt the need to mention is particularly memorable. Funniest One Liners Ever HeardA man goes in to his doctors for an exam and the doctor says, Well, I have good news and bad news. ” Tommy Cooper “I was married by a judge. Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the Boos. I wanted to take a bath, but then decided to leave it where it is. Now get ready to make some memories filled with laughter with these 70 hilariously funny jokes! What falls, but never needs a bandage? The rain. A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar. But dont worry, it is at the bottom of the things I want to do. Steal these classic one-liner jokes in our collection of the best one-liner jokes from experts in funny like Milton. Wayne While Wayne and the others are often busy with chorin they certainly still make time for a lot of immature conversations. A one-liner, also known as a punchline in some cases, is a truly remarkable form of a joke. Hell be following me around like, Jack me off! Jack me off! You did it once! Do it yourself. Here are some funny one liners to make you laugh: 1. And Im like [laughing] No, you go ahead and jack off the dog, he follows me around too much as it is. “A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. Funny one-liners 1. You can pull these out of your back pocket when you’re in need of something funny on the fly along with the funniest one-liners, some “what do you call?” jokes, and even something to get. They are separated into three sub-layers called the dura mater, the arachnoid mater, and the pia mater. However, it was Groucho Marx who became the reigning king of comedy in the 1940s. One liner tags: blonde, death, sarcastic, time 85. But in medieval times people were named Lance a lot. 40 Of Probably The Best One-Liner Jokes Ever. I’m a faux pa. The 20 best one-liners ever. Please continue while I take notes. - Milton Jones I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim. ]” [Jerry Seinfeld uses this technique. Thats when I knew we werent gonna work out. com%2f1040121%2fmarynliles%2fone-liners%2f/RK=2/RS=ULUGahZ5t51fcFDAaZBsM3. Now get ready to make some memories filled with laughter with these 70 hilariously funny jokes! What falls, but never needs a bandage? The rain. #1 Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions. ≡ Best One Liners of All Time List. You Can’t Help but Laugh At>175 Bad Jokes That You Can’t Help but Laugh At. He keeps trying to convince me hes a compulsive liar, but I dont believe him. I went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any. 101 Funny Puns to Get You Giggling All Day. Extremely Funny One Liners. Our list of the best one line jokes of all time are curated by the bunch of comedians that make. Welcome to All Things Foolish™ Daily Comedy Broadcast series featuring Comedy Vignette #116 which is your number one source for funniest one liners ever hear. Welcome to All Things Foolish™ Daily Comedy Broadcast series featuring Comedy Vignette #120 which is your number one source for funniest one liners ever hear. ” This one comes from Dorothy Parker who was the queen of good comebacks. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a. 25 hilarious dad jokes that will make you laugh and groan. The Hide and Seek Champion from 1995. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?. Groucho Marx and his brothers had an unmatched flair for comedy. They are separated into three sub-layers called the dura mater, the arachnoid mater, and the pia mater. Tumor: More than one, an extra pair. The barman says, Sorry we dont serve food in here. Reply 9 69ingJamesFranco • 9 yr. The 20 best one-liners ever. Triple Bypass: Better than a quarterback sneak. 148 Dad Jokes That Are Actually Funny. It was chasing its tail trying to make both ends meet. Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits. Why do you like Fridays that much? Friday is my second best F-word ever. 50 One-Liners from Stand-Up Comedy Legends / Purple Clover Classic jokes that still stand up Classic jokes that still stand up Purple Clover Relationships Marriage Sex Dating Memoirs Family. Im not a fan of spring cleaning. Funny comeback: This one cuts deep “Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone. Some of the best one-liner comedians include Milton Jones, Shappi Khorsandi, Jimmy Carr, Tim Vine and Steven. (… Only a fraction of people will get this clean joke. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one. “What is worse than ants in your pants? Uncles” – Unknown 3. Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween? It didn’t have a haunting license. Our list of the best one line jokes of all time are curated by the bunch of comedians that make. A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar. My friend said: “You have a BA, a. Here are some funny one liners to make you laugh: 1. – Demetri Martin “Years ago I used to supply Filofaxes for the mafia. The best funny one-liners Shutterstock Going to church doesnt make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. Parties, school, worktheyre guaranteed to make you the coolest cat in town. And you dont have to worry about these being clean: All of our favorite jokes are fit for kids and adults. 25 Of The Best One Liners You Have Ever Heard. Change is inevitable—except from a vending machine. Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. He approaches the dead mans wife, and asks if he could say a word. I wanted to take a bath, but then decided to leave it where it is. I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. 105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds “My phone will ring at 2am and my wife’ll look at me and go, “Who’s that calling at this time?” I say, “I don’t know. Funny comeback: This one cuts deep “Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone. 62 Worst Pickup Lines (Cringy, Bad, Dumb). 20 Funniest Quotes From Letterkenny. What did one DNA say to the other DNA? “Do these genes make me look fat?” 3. 01 of 24 Did Not See That Coming Via Getty Images/EvanKafka. #1 Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions. I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger each second; then it hit me! 33. Funny comeback: This one cuts deep “Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone. All rated by visitors and sorted from the best. The 20 best one-liners ever. Kids These Days Have you played the updated kids game? I Spy. The man stands up, clears his throat, and says Plethora. 150 Best Friday Jokes to Get You Laughing, TGIF!. Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. 42 of the funniest lines youve heard on the golf course. Game-Changer for Americans in. - Demetri Martin Years ago I used to supply Filofaxes for the mafia. Best One Liners Ever With these best one liners ever, you can find yourself laughing like a crazed hyena. Funny Ghost and Goblin Jokes Cavan Images Why do ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo. Best Dad Jokes That Are Actually Funny. The 20 best lines from W1A “I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time. Aug 22, 2022. Some of the best jokes and one-liners youll ever hear come over the course of 18 holes with buddies, or even with strangers. Why did Friday work out? It was a weak day for him. Groucho Marx and his brothers had an unmatched flair for comedy. Funny Ghost and Goblin Jokes Cavan Images Why do ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo. Jokes That Make You Sound Smart. Funny one-liners 1. funniest ever jokes and best one. The inventor of the throat lozenge died last month. 42 of the funniest lines you’ve heard on the golf course. 145+ One-Liner Jokes As Punny As They Are Funny. My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the zoo A magician was going down a road and turned into a driveway How long is a Chinese name Last week a hypnotist convinced me that. Why was the baby ant confused? Because all his uncles were ants. #1 Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions. See TOP 10 witty one-liners. Youll have trouble putting on your pants. One morning, I shot an elephant in my pajamas. 25 Clever Jokes That Make You Sound Smart. “Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. The man says, Give me the bad news first, Doc. Short jokes for kids What did the man say to his fingers? I’m counting on you. Which day do potatoes fear the most? Fry-days. ] 2) “I threw a boomerang a few years ago. They’re also a great way to get a chuckle out of kids. Funniest Quotes From Letterkenny. What do dentists call their x-rays? Tooth pics! 3. Explanation: “No joke” has a double meaning here. In the joke world hierarchy, one-liners are a gem: they’re easy to remember, take no time to tell, and if crafted just right pack a mightier punch than a joke with a longer set up. 1) “Have you ever noticed… [fill in with something you find interesting or funny. I knew it! I wanna see my real parents ! Dad replies, We are your real parents, son. They make us groan, say “Are you serious?”, and, of course, make us chuckle. Via Getty Images/Michael Heim / EyeEm. Funny Puns to Get You Giggling All Day. The best funny one-liners Shutterstock Going to church doesnt make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. One liner tags: puns. And Im like [laughing] No, you go ahead and jack off the dog, he follows me around too much as it is. 120 of the best ever jokes and one. Can You Handle These 65 Ridiculously Funny Medical Jokes?. 90 Good Comebacks, Roasts & One. How does the ocean say hello? It waves. I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now. Funny One Liner Jokes 1. You could read it as “seriously” or as “a joke didn’t. I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo. Be that as it may, if you want to read a joke, it is not a novel you are looking for but rather a quick comedic relief. The best funny one-liners Shutterstock Going to church doesnt make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. Two peanuts walk into a bar, one was assaulted. That way, when I do criticize him, Im a mile away and I have his shoes. com/_ylt=AwrFNKTruFZk8mIogqtXNyoA;_ylu=Y29sbwNiZjEEcG9zAzIEdnRpZAMEc2VjA3Ny/RV=2/RE=1683433836/RO=10/RU=https%3a%2f%2fparade. 105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds “My phone will ring at 2am and my wife’ll look at me and go, “Who’s that calling at this time?” I say, “I don’t know. What did one plate whisper to the other plate? Dinner is on me. The other day I bought a thesaurus, but when I got home and opened it, all the pages were blank… I have no words to describe how angry I am.